December 2013 Statistics:

8 Jan



The ghost of Christmas Present certainly raises the stakes in the Christmas jollity department. (Wikimedia commons)


Number  of Christmas decorations put up compared to our excellent across-the-street neighbors: 0/100

# of Christmas trees bought, put up and decorated by Jewish child and his charming Jewish girlfriend: 1

Quality of Jewish Christmas treeputtingup in our house: Awesome! We may never need to use Protestants again!

Certainty that steak frites would be ordered at Christmas Eve dinner by at least two members of family: 100 percent.

Best gift: an elegant cloche in a hatbox from son #1.

Sad thing we remember each year: Candy canes make charming tree decorations and in fact seem somewhat essential, but staring 24 candycanes in the face in January is depressing because basically, they kind of suck. Was this seriously the best kind of candy kids could get back in the day? Tragic.

Annual Mixed Marriage December Debate: Jewish husband—Why would children need anything more than ONE good present. Protestant wife—kids need lots of crap to unwrap! Winner: lucky children!

Last Glimpse: Visiting with my sister’s beloved golden retriever Molly, a dog so sweet and people-loving that she endured endless costume changes, including wigs and full outfits from creative niece, and each night Molly would wait for sister to tuck her into her dogbed with her own pink blanket. Rest in peace, Molly.

Hours spent by Son number 2 not deciding what he wanted for Christmas despite the fact that everyone knew he wanted a longboard: 1,573.

When the Christmas tree is coming down: Pretty sure that sucker has moved in.

Number of movies seen about French peasant life in the 1970s that consisted of realllllly long scenes of a 2000 year old lady cutting up potatoes and 20 minutes of an old dude picking up bundles of wood silently: One. Too many.

Huge fights on Christmas day: Zero!

Percentage of extremely long and confusing movie Cloud Atlas seen while lying in a torpor on the couch on Christmas day: about 60 percent. I think.

Number of times Santa has gotten away with putting shampoo and toothbrushes in stockings: Since Jesus was a baby. 

Boxes of chocolate given to husband by well-mannered students: I’m sure it was zero, as I begged husband not to let me see it so I didn’t faceplant myself on some nougat thing.

Cutest little things seen: my 2 baby grandnieces. Grandnieces!!

Good wish I hope comes true: Brother looks me in the eye with the sweetest look and says “I sure hope your 2014 is better than your 2013.”

Favorite Christmas Video:

Lesson still not learned: Putting banana PEELS in your pocketbook is not as problematic as half bananas, but it is not entirely problem free.

Writing prompt: How was YOUR Christmas?

One Response to “December 2013 Statistics:”

  1. Kaffiend January 9, 2014 at 3:55 am #

    Excellent! Both this blog entry and that auteurs video.

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