Tag Archives: Craigslist

What Were They Thinking? Crud From Craigslist, Part 4

1 May

 

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Used Oil: Free to Good Home.

Without further ado, may I present items that you may get for the fine price of FREE from Craigslist?? Surely you have a burning need for one of them.

  1. Bargainistas, just think of what you can do with these fine containers of USED OIL (above)! That’s right. It’s out back–help yourself. But if you come, you better pick up all 30. That’s the deal. The imagination reels at the possibilities, so you’d better move fast.

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2. Would you like a piping hot cup of coffee to start your day? Well, you won’t get one out of this coffeemaker. It’s broken. Should you care to pick it up its only function now is to torment you with the dreams of cups of java you might have enjoyed if only it worked, and to go out into the world in a hideously undercaffeinated haze.

 

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3. Get in your car and DASH, because this household is giving away a teeny little cord to something. I’m sure it’s worth the price of the gas money to drive over and pick whatever the heck it is.

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4. Who doesn’t need 570 pounds of glycerine? Especially Kosher grade glycerine. Personally, I need it like a luch in kupf, but for somebody who’s fresh out of 570 pounds of glycerine, what a mechiah! (okay I cheated a little with my Yiddish: http://www.pass.to/glossary/gloz2.htm)

 

 

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5. Miscellaneous lighting parts. Do they go together? Who knows. I mean, they go together in the sense that they were all thrown into the same BOX. But if you’re up for untangling this mystery, these babies are all yours.

 

Writing Prompt: What did you get for free today? A smile? A kitten on your feet? A good piece of gossip?

 

 

 

What were They Thinking? The Worst of Craigslist Photos Part 3

26 Apr

What were They Thinking? The Worst of Craigslist Photos Part 3

Back by popular demand, photos that filled me with wonder from Craigslist . . .

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1. I’m not just a rusty garbage can. I am an antique. Yes, I have rust spots. That just proves that I’ve got style and pizazz. That’s why my owner thinks I’m worth $50. Is that so much to ask? It IS? Well then you can take your garbage elsewhere.

 

 

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2. Nothing says “This is a very elegant and serious wooden desk and bookcase set” like having a bunch of papers, post it notes, and mysterious metal items strewn messily across it. But at least it does have a nice nautical theme—the (why?) ship plate on the bookcase/cupboard and best of all, the messily handlettered reminder to “Stay Strong” with an anchor. What IS that? A secret message for the buyers? Such as “Stay strong because this furniture sure isn’t going to hold up much longer?” In any case, I certainly hope it is included in the sale of the set because it is priceless.

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3. A moment. Frozen in time. The last days of the cassette tape. This is the exact collection of music a person would probably have on cassette tape. Just looking at all those names—The Cars. Billy Joel. Fleetwood Mac. SPRINGSTEEN! The Cars. Joan Jett. The Carpenters. It’s not as if it’s easy to find anything to actually PLAY these suckers on, but it brings a little tear to the eye to see them all together like that for the last time.

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4. This lovely painting of an angel apparently picking a zit on his celestial arm, sitting in some strange alcove that has before it some odd giant candlelike stone thing on the left and the world’s shortest column on the right, is enhanced by the presence of God’s blinding light. Or, maybe it’s just a photographer who was a little too fond of using the flash.

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It looks as if the cow, the bunny and the pig are going to be just fine when they are hun up on the wall. But those Teddy bears look as if they’re going to be in for a very unhappy surprise.

 

Writing Prompt: What objects do you own that DON’T represent who you are?

 

 

 

Part 2: The Saddest Stuff from Craigslist

2 Apr

And today we explore some more questionable items as well as photographic technique, starting with an artistic masterpiece . . .

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1. I guess SOMEBODY took a trip to Italy and became a sophisticated art connoisseur. Seriously, you have David longingly reaching out to touch . .. an urn and a Corinthian Column? Why? I mean, the urn I kind of understand, who knows, maybe it’s full of wine or it’s a pot of gold  (though he certainly isn’t exerting himself much in that pose to get it). Or hey, maybe there’s a pair of those Mankinis that the Europeans love to disport themselves in in there! He could use SOMETHING to cover up his li’l cocktail frank. But the Corinthian column? No. Just no. There is nothing Corinthian columns do that you want, except REMAIN. I wouldn’t buy that painting unless the artist replaced it with a pizza. Alternately, you could put God back in, just like the original. I understand that a lot of people thought THAT painting was pretty good.

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2. Peekaboo! I see you! Nice rug/fancy mirror, table, etc. But Tthere’s this funny thing about mirrors. They reflect the objects in them. All I can say is, nice white sock/world’s longest “shorts,” combo, dude. Does grandma not let you walk on the carpet without taking your shoes off?

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3. Another hint from the ghost of Dorothea Lange. If you take a flash picture RIGHT INTO A MIRROR, you’re going to see a lot more of the shining white light than you are of whatever the heck that wall hanging/hook rack is. Also, why is there a coat rack that says Bon Appetit anyway? Do most people hang up their coats in their kitchens at home? Or do you put it in the entrance of your home and let everyone know that once you enter, you’re going to be stuffed like a truffle goose? One thing we know is that if you DON’T want to see what it look like, just stand right in front of it with your camera, turn on the flash, and SNAP.

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4. One shopping cart. Gently used. So gently used that it was thrown into the garage. Because frankly, nobody wanted to use it, gently or not. Just a little reminder that if you spend $25 getting this forlorn item, you’ll probably end up tossing it into the garage next to boxes and old crates, too. Until YOU put it on Craigslist.

 

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5. One tray, barely used. Not even used. In the original bubble wrap. All wrapped up. So wrapped up that you can’t even get a sense of what it actually looks like. For all you know, it is so abhorrent that the owners didn’t even want to actually touch it. But hey, you know one thing. That sucker is IN THE ORIGINAL BUBBLE WRAP.

Writing Prompt: What do you want to get rid of?

 

Part 1:Craigslist Pictures That Will Teach You How to Capture the Uniqueness of Your, er, Treasures.

31 Mar

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I’m sorry. That $10 sign doesn’t say welcome. It says EMOCLEW. Unless I’m living in Upsidedownlandia. If not, isn’t that (gasp) the BACKWARDS of Welcome?

You put your stuff on Craigslist because you want to, like, sell it, right? I have been searching through Craigslist in hope of finding something wonderful (as yet unknown) to make my woman cave perfect, and it has taught me many lessons about the fine art of photography. I have learned that, contrary to popular opinion, Ansel Adams, Margaret Bourke-White, and their ilk did more than click the shutter and say cheese. Because Craigslist photos are in a class by themselves.

 

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1. Nothing says I am a very, very bad chair that is being punished by being stuck in the basement next to some fishing poles, a blue pipey thing, something green and a black milk crate like this photo. What doesn’t it match in the picture? Everything. What does that mean? It means why does anyone need ONE kitchen table chair. Oh chair, poor, poor chair, I suspect your exile will continue.

 

 

 

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2. What is it, alien quintuplets and their octopus-like mother? No. It is a chandelier, reputedly in VERY good shape, even though it looks as if it has crashed down directly onto the world’s most depressing dining room table, complete with duct tape strips and a used tissue. $40.

 

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3. Every once in a while you come upon an old soldier who has served his or her country greatly and is now ready for retirement. This bedspread and matching dust ruffle set has the look as well. It looks so so old that even Granny has farmed it out to the guest room, just so her guests can immediately feel depressed when they look at it, remembering the cheapest, saddest motels they ever resorted to committing some still unforgiven and deeply sordid sin in. $30.

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4. Hey, mad scientists and esoteric drug abusers, this looks like something just for you! But you’re wrong. It’s a glass oil candle set, photographed in black and white next to a box on a table that screams “basement”!! What are glass oil candles? I don’t really know. And frankly, this picture isn’t the deal breaker that’s going to make me care to find out.

 

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5. This photo of a $10 Rival Crockpot is a reminder that next time you want to surprise your family with Cheesy Beans and Franks or Chicken and Poi Surprise, remember to place the crockpot in a precarious position on a bunch of random books, right next to the important letters you just opened, on the off-chance that boiling beans will do their magic and topple straight over. Also, when photographing an object you want to sell, remember: Never, EVER remove pointless clutter from photo because nothing says “home” like “piles of old notebooks, catalogs, and phone books.”

Writing Prompt: What’s YOUR idea of a good photo?