Tag Archives: gluten free

My Grim Gluten-Free Future

24 Feb Goddess Ceres, wheat, France, gluten
Goddess Ceres, wheat, France, gluten

Back in like Ancient France or whatever they weren’t beeyotching about wheat, oh no, they were like, oh thank you Goddess Ceres, here, we’ll make an awesome picture of you with gold leaf in it just to say how awesome le baguettes and la croissants and je ne sais quais else that’s made out of wheat is. But here in America? Non. (photo courtesy of Wikimedia, Public Domain).

You know what’s better than a piece of freshly-buttered sourdough toast? A piece of freshly buttered sourdough toast with a Belgian waffle and an everything bagel on it, that’s what. But now two (2) doctors have nagged me sufficiently to throw up my hands and say ALL RIGHT, I will TRY your stupid “GLUTEN FREE” diet even though I had an endoscopy and it did NOT show that I had celiac disease and I don’t even believe in gluten free anything and I hate the idea of being that “special” person who has to have that “special” thing at the restaurant and ask how everything is prepared. I know, I know, that’s just a form of snobbery on my part. Why shouldn’t I care what I eat? Food is life’s fuel. And, honestly, I generally eat pretty well. Much of that is the husband’s doing. He grows a fabulous garden each year and it’s always a race to stuff in as much produce into each meal as possible. He also has made me much more willing to give up on the super-cheap deals on chicken and beef in favor of the painfully expensive organic cuts where each cow has its horns hand-rubbed each evening and each chicken is knitted a pair of leg warmers so it doesn’t get cold as it roams freely over the acres and acres of Happydale Farm. Yeah yeah, I love the planet. But now I’m going to have to hunker down and do the walk of shame in Trader Joe’s and look at that package of oatmeal to see if it’s Gluten Free. Why shouldn’t oatmeal be gluten free? I guess some places, wheat hangs around the oat schoolyard and acts as a bad influence on the virtuous oat students, contaminating their virtue. So you have to make sure that they are kept away from each other. Sigh. There’s so much I have to learn. Another thing I’m confused about is that one of my doctors wants me to give up dairy and the other wants me to give up sugar. I guess it makes sense to give up sugar–even more than wheat, really. But does that mean maple syrup and honey, too? And isn’t something like organic Greek yogurt actually a very healthy food? Does anybody have any advice about how I can survive the next two heinous months?

Writing Prompt: Help a gal figure out how to go gluten free–I beg you.


Top 31 foods of all time, no bull, says Time Magazine.

6 Oct



Times Healthland says it’s putting an end to the confusion. Yeah, I know, you’ve probably been wondering. Paleo diet? Gluten free? That diet where brides-to-be were getting fed through an Nasogastric tube so they could fit into their tiny little dresses? (That’s got to be good for you).

Do you eat these foods on a regular basis? What do you think about them?

I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.

Black beans—heck yes! Made my own black bean soup. Lots of black bean soup.  Like, three times this week with the black bean soup.

Kale—well, it’s in the garden. Do collard greens count?

Wild salmon—very delicious. Can be cooked ona layer of kosher salt in a cast iron pan with a top on. Then you brush the salt off and it’s delicious. Also good with a sweet sauce.

Walnuts—I wish. Yum!

Pumpkin—English friend just said pumpkin was revolting. But I love it. In real pumpkin pie and also in those Afghan fritters that are so good you could cry. They suggest Pumpkin Oatmean with Yogurt and raisins. I dunno—sounds a bit ungepachket to me.

Apples—OMG! I’m sitting one foot away from a sliced apple.

Blueberries—getting expensive again. L

Bananas—I have some sliced banana next to me, too!!

Broccoli—Tuesday. Dinner. Broccoli at least twice a week. Including a little bit in the garden.

Spinach—I’ll watch Julie eat it at the ChitChat tomorrow. Good as salad or an ingredient, but plain, yuck.

Sweet potatoes—also on Tuesday (very good with black bean soup, too).

Kidney beans—very nice.

Lentils—delicious when they aren’t overcooked. Hate them mushy. They always say cook them 15 or 20 minutes. Try cooking them ten. Add the bay leaf.

Red beets—yuck

Eggplant—roasted some with zucchini and onions a few weeks ago. They always seem to soak up an inordinate amount of oil.

Brussels sprouts—a glorious treat when roasted properly. Glucosinolates

Tomatoes—hooray—beautiful tomatoes from the garden every day.

Whole wheat bread—or whole grain anything. Had quinoa and bulgar this week. Is gluten the evil killer everyone’s saying it is, or is that just to

Quinoa—seriously, if there’s one magic food, Quinoa has to be it. It’s good in a kind of sweet salad as well as a grain.

Steel cut oatmeal—oh hell yes, YUM!

Bulgur—You can cook it right INTO chili so it’s a one dish treat. Learned this trick from younger child who made it when he was sailing in Maine with Outward Bound. Delish.

Lean meat—the Mr. orders half a lamb and a fifth of a cow each year from some magical organic farm in Pennsylvania where happy grass-fed creatures gambol about until one day they get the axe—oops! And then are turned into tiny little paper-wrapped packages for th deep freeze. But meat certainly is a power food. And delicious. Can’t say it isn’t delicious.

Flaxseeds—a major source of guilt, as I have purchased a package of flaxseeds and a spice grinder to grind them up and release their inner goodness for a year. I also have a bottle of flaxseed I have not used. Oh so bad. But Dr. Oz says you still need fish oil for the best source of vitamin whatever it is. Oh yeah, Omega 3 fatty acid. Still need DHA from the fish.

Chia seeds—sorry, they belong on terra cotta puppies

Almonds—delicious, why have they been ignored?

Tuna—isn’t that shit full of chemicals? However, I did eat tuna sushi yesterday. Because it’s yummy.

Fat-free milk—husband has this thing after writing book about dairy where he thinks only full-fat milk is good. I do not understand his educated point of view but I’m sure he’s wrong.

Fat-free greek yogurt—Greek yogurt, food of the gods. From Aphrodite to Zeus, yogurt and honey surely must have been their treat #1

Dark chocolate—please don’t give me any more excuses.

Red wine—I think it’s a treat, but not a health food. That’s just me.

EVOO—I just had to say that to annoy husband because he loathes Rachael Ray. But yeah.

*Props to the lovely Rowyn K. for illustration idea.

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What do you think is missing from this list????