135JournalsTime Travel: September 14, 1981

15 Sep

 

I hate wearing nylons on hot days. I feel like I’m trapped in a jungle. I called to the clothes store’s other branch, for a suit I want to buy.

I feel very much in love with Brian lately—with his looks, and that he’s a teacher, and that we’re both grown up and that we share so much. He was very mushy feeling yesterday, too. He said that he can tell that I always try to be nice to him (not strictly true, but most of the time), and he’s seen me grow and struggle. He’s going to be at Eileen’s tonight. I want to do something at J’s.  I was going to be doing something with Dan and shopping for a suit, but that’s out of the question because there just isn’t enough time to get to the train and try the thing on etc.

Hot weather today–beautiful this morning, but now oppressive, with the smell of exhaust spewed into the filthy air—aahh, New York. That’s one thing I notice that’s depressing. Even on sunny, crisp, days the buildings look indistinct and fuzzy so that you don’t see them, but its weird.

Evelyn wore astonishingly beautiful clothes when she was here. She has unusual but gorgeous taste.

This train is going the speed of mud and is so unbearably hot. I’m sorry I wasted my time wearing my new red shirt which I washed by hand. I’m going to get a nice cool something with ice to drink.J and K are anemic and I also am somewhat anemic, too.

E., who lives in the apartment I’m moving into, called up and asked in a bitchy way if I were absolutely sure I would be moving there. I guess it give me reason to be more secure, but she certainly is no angel of tact. Luis seems pretty nice in a vague leftist way; i.e. everything I do is right because I belong to the left; well, I’m being unfair, I’m saying that because of an awkward circumstance, that he had to speak for a long time without any help from me because I couldn’t think of much to say when I got tired.

Spent the evening with Jennifer and Karen, eating English muffins and watching TV. I got a sliver of glass in my foot and I thought, ‘it sure gets complicated when you’re on your own—you feel so much more open to the elements,’ But then Brian walked in and started fussing over me and running to get the peroxide.

Jennifer said she thinks I’m very pretty today. She said it in a way that made me believe her. It gave me a Cinderella feeling. It makes me want to dwell on my charms. But of course the old charms are going to be here tomorrow. If they’re still that good, I’ll write. Karen is taking a course at Hunter.

 

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