I heard it on NPR. Kind of.

23 Jan
USA! USA! World War II poster of Americans anxiously huddling around a radio shows why we rock. (courtesy of Wikimedia commons).

USA! USA! World War II poster of Americans anxiously huddling around a radio shows why we rock. (courtesy of Wikimedia commons).

Lately I’ve been engaged in a tragically fruitless project of decluttering my insane art room. This has given me the opportunity to listen to National Public Radio All. Day. Long. Listening to NPR is like listening to one’s friends, including the part where they repeat themselves, which, let’s face it, everyone does. Including the part where they repeat themselves, which, let’s face it, everyone does. Oh wait, what did I just do?

I am happy to say that it has increased my knowledge of public events very quickly. In fact, I feel quite brilliant.  And just in case you haven’t had the opportunity of being similarly enriched, I will give you today’s news report as well as I remember it. Ready?

  1. Yemen’s government quit and has now been taken over by thousands or maybe tens of thousands of (Hrathis? Hathis?) who invaded the capital, Sanaa. The (Hrathis? Hathis?) hate America, but they either are part of al Qaeda or they hate al Qaeda, and they hate America, which is why we are pretty sure that we should make them allies. Now the U.S. embassy is working with a skeleton staff, so don’t you worry that nobody is going to answer the phone. We just don’t know if anybody is going to be able to man the drones. The (Hrathis?) are Zaidis? and are either Shias or Shiites, unlike the Iranians who are not Arabs but Persians and are mostly Shiite. Did I clear that up for you?
  1. Saudi Arabia’s king what’s-his-name, the one who once tenderly held George Bush’s hand as they celebrated their bromance in some flowery park, is dead, and his place has been taken by his spring chicken 79-year-old heir Prince Something-or-other. This is going to slow things down because this prince is in bad health—not AS bad as the former king, who had a “typically modest” Muslim funeral today (plaintive cry of “Allu Akbar” in background). New king promises to keep policies of old king, who was known as a reformer, a veryyyyy slowwww reformer. Saudi Arabia will not have a problem with this change because it’s got tons of cash in the bank. However, it may have a problem because now all these Saudis went to college and there aren’t enough good jobs for them. Unrest alert!
  1. Producer or director of some vampire play says that play is based on mythic themes like bullying. He says they only use blood three times in play because with blood, “Less is more. “ Play was first shown in Dundee. People who lived outside Dundee paid for poor people in Dundee to go to play. Rich people got stubs, poor people got experience of lifetime watching Vampire /mythical bully themed play. Also, it’s tragic that some people grow old and others (such as vampires) don’t.

4. Brain scientists dished about two brain study initiatives, one in U.S., one in Europe. The one in U.S. is stupid, the one in Europe is even more stupid. Not enough consultation with psychologists. Better to study mouse brains. FMRI machines are gimmicky, ineffective. “It’s like a magnifying glass when you need a microscope.”

5. After NY state politician Sheldon Silver is arrested for corruption charges, some guy asks about the “Three Men in a Room” system for negotiating. “Why three men? Why not a woman? What size of room is it anyway, that only fits three men?” 135journals editorial: Sheldon Silver is SO guilty.

6. Blah blah New England Patriots dumpty dum underinflated football doodly doo I have no idea why I should care about this.

Okay, considered yourselves schooled.

Writing prompt: What did you learn from the news today?

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2 Responses to “I heard it on NPR. Kind of.”

  1. Kathy Wilmore January 23, 2015 at 11:08 pm #

    Ms. Hanson-Harding, you are the best. That cracked me up. I heard most of the same stories this morning as I, too, am addicted to NPR. Weekdays, my listening is truncated: Morning Edition before work and—depending on what time I get home and am feeding the dog and (on the occasions I don’t eat out) myself, parts of Fresh Air with Terry Gross and/or The Diane Rehm Show. Weekends, though, belong to NPR, Sometimes I just stick to WNYC’s AM station, other times I shuffle back and forth between AM and FM, depending on what’s on when. Weekend Edition, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, This American Life, The Moth, Car Talk; sometimes Jesse Thorn, sometimes Radiolab; Prairie Home Companion . . . I forget what else. But it’s my soundtrack. Long may it rule.

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