Meet The Laziest Goldarn Gift-Wrapper of All Time

26 Dec
Cat inspects present wrapping

Thelonius Monk inspects the present wrapping at the HH house, which is up to standards thanks only to the efforts of Mr. HH.

Do you hate wrapping? I mean, HATE it? You may think you do. But I defy you to be more of a hater than yours truly. In my family, we have a custom of wrapping as many presents as we can stand to wrap at holiday time, then resorting to other, more desperate measures as the clock ticks down to 0 hour, Christmas morning. This is what we call “Hanson Wrapping.” And I am the most Hansonist Hanson Wrapper of them all. So what happens? First, we start going for the paper Christmas bags with tissue inside. Then, we start melting down and NOT putting the tissue paper in. Too complicated! We might resort to smoothing some aluminum foil over the top—yeah. I’ve done that. Or throwing the present into a garbage bag and putting a ribbon around the top. Then, we’ll get too lazy for the ribbon. We’ll get to the point of taking the present out of the Marshall’s bag and shoving it into the Gap bag so at least our giftee will think his or her present is a little classier. Finally, to heck with it. Here’s the Marshall’s bag. We’ll just throw the other presents on top. This year, I wrapped what seemed like a monstrous number of presents but I found a genius solution of buying two large storage tubs in Christmas colors, one for each son. That way, I could let the final unwrapped presents sink to the bottom and cover them with layers of wrapped, or rather, bagged, presents. The kids could keep the storage tubs or not—we could put ornaments in there if they didn’t want them. I should have put a nice tag on each container, but I was fried, man. It’s not easy being Santa’s little helper. I did manage to write one son’s name on a paper towel and put it on top of his tub. At least that way the other one could figure out by his mighty powers of deduction which container was his. I seriously defy you to be lazier than that. But I did do one smart, non-lazy thing this year. I made cloth Christmas bags that can be reused for ever and ever. I even made some to give away.. In my next post I will share how you, too, can make nice Christmas bags for very little money and save yourself the hateful agony that is wrapping.

Writing Prompt: How do you feel about present wrapping? Art form or pain in the neck?

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