The Three Weirdest Ways I Was Ever Asked Out

Ceil Kessler is an extremely entertaining and witty writer from Pennsylvania. She’s making me rack (wrack?) my brain about weird ways I was asked out. I can think of some very odd relationships I have had, but how they started eludes me at the moment. However, I’m pretty sure that I never responded to the lines, “Are you from Jamaica” “Why, no.” “Because you’re makin’ me crazy.” At least, not sober. All I can say is Long Live Ceil, and long live with Sears Guy.

Magnificent Nose

There are people who stay with you through your life. Through time and tide, you always find yourself going back and drawing on their memories. Not for support. Not for insight. Not even for humor.They are people who blow quickly into your life, and breezily leave just as fast, leaving a giant “What the hell was that?” in their wake.

Who knows why we revisit these memories? Perhaps–like every time we try pimiento cheese sandwiches, or listen to Cannibal Corpse–we keep these memories around to periodically check if they make sense yet.

These are the top 3 weirdest ways that anyone has ever asked me out on a date. No, I don’t understand them. Perhaps in some small way, they represent a general unknown quality of the universe. They are, if you will, the theoretical sub-atomic particles that the Large Hadron Collider exists to make sense of.

I have no…

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