Free Advice:: “What can happen to someone’s brain in this situation? serious answer pls

5 Feb

 

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The Mighty Commodore Amiga, Complete with Joystick, from the 1980s (thanks Wikimedia!)

In which the intrepid answer lady wanders into the dangerous world of computer addiction, in the hopes that she can answer before Ms. Pacman devours her and that she’ll have time for some delicious Candy Crush.

ღBrown Highlights† o –

For instance, a boy had stopped school when he finished highschool and for around 3 years,he basically just stayed at home , getting on the internet all the time and did not really spend time studying.

Now the way he thinks is not balance like he knows what is right and wrong in a situation but finds it hard to believe the truth, he overthink things a lot.a ponder them in his mind and feels lost.

Do you think quitting to study resulted to the way he thinks today??

Is his brain corrupted?

What should he do?
-I need serious answers pls

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Dear Brown Highlights,

I’m assuming you’re the parent, so I will answer in that vein. No, I don’t think his brain is corrupted. Wouldn’t you rather have three squares, laundry service, heat, all the snacks you want, and in exchange, just play video games? Sounds pretty good to me. That’s what I call logic. Having said that, do I think this child-man needs psychological and psychiatric help? Oh yeah. Drag him into the car if you must, but get him the mental help he needs. He’s probably depressed at this point, as enticing as this life plan seemed in the beginning.

I am no stranger to indulging adult children and being concerned if they have snacks and warm gloves and condoms and an extra ten dollars of mad money. And I know how situations just start growing on you, and start to seem more normal. There are probably some very complicated reasons about how this situation got this way. (So while you’re taking son out for therapy, you might want to get yourself some, too, just to unravel how things went wrong and why you are avoiding conflict. Because if you want to help this young man launch himself into a decent life, it is going to be a lot of work. It s going to take toughness, craftiness, patience, firmness, and an exhausting amount of love and vision. You will have to have a vision of him as the person he should be, and help him to move toward that. He will need help getting the basic skills of independence and you will need to help him. But the thing you will have to do first is going to be more painful to him and to you than you may be able to imagine.

–Get. Rid. Of. The.Computer.

Don’t do this till you’re damned well ready for the consequences. These could involve screaming, threatening, even hitting. If this kid is a true video game addict, he is going to go nuts. And by nuts, I mean he may need to be committed to a mental hospital if he acts threatening. Find out what the mental health resources are in your county. In ours there is a special number that will summon a social worker who can determine just how out of control and threatening your child is—without giving the kid a police record. Unless you have someone there to protect you, YOU may need to leave the house. Go to a shelter. Go to a hotel if you feel unsafe. You may not get a good night of sleep. Or month.. Expect to find the kid tearing up your house to find it. Because this is an addict and it’s going to take some time for detox. He will literally not know how to spend his days and other diversions are going to get old real fast. Let the kid know that there are limits to what you’re going to put up with, though. And if he’s too threatening or destructive, he will be thrown out of your house.

–Scatter books and magazines around that he may be interested in. Oh, and take the TV out of the house, too. Ask a neighbor to put it in the basement. You’re going to have to suffer, too. And if you work on a computer, don’t let it out of your sight, or better yet, do not work on it at home at all. The point is to reclaim your house as a place of quiet. Music is okay. Offer board games, cooking together, other activities. Be available for him, even if he’s surly.

–Tell him he may not have his computer back unless he gets a full-time job. If he asks how he’s supposed to get a F*****ing job without a F******ing computer, sweetly tell him he can find computers at the library. Or he can ask a friend. If he has one. If he doesn’t, he can ale a damn friend. It’s not really your problem, because you don’t give a damn how he gets his computer back. Even then, limit his access. This may be the hardest part. You can say that the computer can only be on the dining room table where you can see it. Or when you go to bed, you’re taking the computer with you. Or no computers on weekends. This may sound demeaning and childish, but this is a severely disregulated child who probably has bad sleep habits. Removing screens at 10:00 or so will make books more attractive and will help to regulate him. If he doesn’t like it, he can take his magnificent pile of loot and go move in with a friend. In which case you’ve already won.

–If he starts acting civil, do something fun together. Something natural, preferably, like going for a walk in nature, with a picnic. Love your kid. But be the parent you should have been long ago. Help him to fly away into adulthood. It’s not too late now, but it will be soon.

But none of this will happen unless you GET RID OF THAT COMPUTER.

Writing Prompt: What advice would YOU give someone in this position?

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