Mad Mother

14 Oct

It is 7:15 and I am making the pumpkin soup that Mr. B didn’t quite get around to. And I am feeling sad and mad because my teenager is completely inaccessible, but at the same time he needs me. He needs to go to his doctor and get medications he requires. And he has another meeting that I must take him to that is even more urgent. It will mean a day of driving all over New Jersey. But he just isn’t calling me and he isn’t answering my calls, emails, Facebook messages or anything.. I look on his facebook page and the last entries are “and i still have eyeliner attached to my face,” i cant find my communist manifesto paper. crap man,” “labyrinth is a sick ass word.” I can bearly stand this breeze, on another note; does any one have crunch bearies. Yup.Unbearable.” I mean, it’s kind of cute. I’m glad he likes college. He’s an original. I’ve loved him so much his entire life. Even his big teenage shoes left in the wrong place made me melt. And now he’s just lost in his own world. I know, parents older and wiser than I am are going “Welcome to the club.” Why, for one of the first times ever, do I feel so sad about this? I think it’s because yesterday I had memories of him from his fragile babyhood that were so overpowering that made me cry (oh and by the way, I am an amazing cryer. Just say the words, ‘remember that Vietnam Vet with the tin cup of pencils he was trying to sell on the subway?’ and the rivulets start down my face). I felt so proud to send him off to college, a sign of his incredible will to survive that was, I hope, enhanced by the passion I had for his well-being. I really wanted to spend some special time with him, find out how he was. But now I don’t want to talk to him, look at him, think about him, anything. Maybe I’ll change. But I guess he isn’t mine anymore. I guess I’m going to have to get used to that. But could he stop needing me to spend my whole day driving him around at the same time??  

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